i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
