the condom got lost in my hair
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
