i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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