Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
