college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
