Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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