Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
