he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
