It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
