They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
