We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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