She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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