Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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