Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
