It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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