mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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