oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
