I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
