Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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