Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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