she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
