rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
