Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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