3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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