Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Farmville is her only friend.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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