Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
