He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
