My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
