So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
