Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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