An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
