Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
