i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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