i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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