yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
