So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
wow bdsm is so cute
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
