so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
