The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
