i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
