i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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