Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
