Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
