Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
