I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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