I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
