she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Blood and glitter go together right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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