I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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