Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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