it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it penis luge time yet?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
