Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
