It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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