Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
