i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
